Sunday, January 1, 2012

12 weeks...

AHHHHHH! At this moment, I feel defeated.

This week has been rough, but I want to start with something positive. The week began with a wonderful doctor’s appointment where I heard Champ’s heart beat for the first time. OH, “Champ” is the baby’s nickname for now. I can’t believe how much the baby grew from 8 weeks to 12 weeks! Crazy. The next day, Jelani and I jumped on a plane to Oklahoma City to visit his family for Christmas. The plane ride messed me up and I had my first barf moment. Not pretty, but kind of funny now that it’s all over. I felt pretty good for the rest of that day but the next morning I had an impromptu barf session on the side of the road. We found out the hard way that Champ does not like when I eat apples. Back to the positive…we have a great relationship with a gym in OKC, so we had access to a great facility for the week. The first 2 days of the trip, I felt strong during my workouts but today I am feeling really discouraged.

I knew I felt a little off this morning, but I decided to go with Jelani to the gym anyway. Well, I lasted about 10 minutes into my lift before the weak feeling hit. I switched to the recumbent bike thinking that would be easy since I was off my feet but that only lasted 5 minutes. I FELT SO WEAK…and also felt the frustration building. I’m having really hard time with moments like those where I feel like I can’t do all I want to. It doesn’t help that I also feel huge right now. I lovingly refer to my thickness as my “video girl” body. Apparently, I am still attractive because I have been randomly asked out on dates more than ever before (hahaha). Still, that doesn’t help with the feeling that I am too big for my skin.

Eating has been hard. I have not gone crazy but I am eating more and I am always hungry. I know that I have to make a few changes so that I can feel good about my body and grow my belly instead of my whole body! On one hand, I do not want to be too hard on myself (I tend to do that) but I DO want to be honest and realistic about doing my best during this pregnancy. I don’t think I have put my best foot forward lately in every area. I know once I give my best, I will feel great about this process, my body, my ups and downs and my baby.

It’s time to just get real and do it.


  1. all things work together for the good to those who love God and are the called according to His purpose. In every test, step, a day's challenge, victory and calorie God 's wisdom and guidance are in you and with you. Champ has an awesome mom!!!!