Friday, August 2, 2013
New day :)
This past March, my husband and I were thrilled to find out we were expecting another baby. Like most newly pregnant women, I was hesitant to share the news and waited until after our first official appointment. Seeing that little heart beat on the ultrasound at the 8 week appointment, put me in awe again of God’s amazing creation. Everything looked great with the baby and over the next few weeks, we began to tell close friends and family our news.
Time flew by and before I knew it, it was time for our 12 week appointment. I went to work, talked with friends, felt great and walked into the doctor’s office around 330pm. During the ultrasound, the doctor couldn’t find that precious little heartbeat. A few minutes later, she confirmed that we had lost our baby. At her news, I felt sick, sad and disappointed. In that moment, I also decided that I was going to get through this and I was going to praise God through the pain. That night was the hardest night of my life. I won’t go into detail, but I was glad when the morning came. The next 3 weeks were beyond difficult, but that 4th week was a turning point. I was back in a regular workout routine, and I was much more at peace about the loss of the baby.
Shortly after I was back into my routine, I injured my back to the point where I was unable to walk for 2 days. I couldn’t get up, lift my baby, cook, clean…nothing. I literally felt like I was finally back in my groove and then THIS? My doctor said that is would probably be 4-6 weeks before I would be able to go back to lifting and possibly 3 weeks before I would be able to run. I don’t think I had ever felt so deflated and disappointed in my life. As if the miscarriage wasn’t enough…now my ability to do what I love was gone! I really struggled at this point because I felt I had lost control. I couldn’t control my body and the miscarriage and I couldn’t control the fact that I had to rest due to the back injury. The funny thing is that sometimes it takes periods where control is lost in order for God to get your attention. I had to realize all over again that my identity was NOT found in fitness or being a mom but it is found in who God says I am.
He says that I am his daughter. That I am loved. That I am precious and special. That HE will work all things together for my good. He says that I am an overcomer and more than a conqueror. He says that I am blessed. He says that His plans for me are perfect and that He will take my mourning and turn it into gladness. He says that I am healed. God is so good!
Today, I am still recovering from the back injury but I am running every other day! I am excited about the future in every aspect of my life from family to fitness. I know that this was a hard season, but it doesn’t define my life or take away from the blessings in my future.
Oh, and about this picture…I was feeling betrayed by my body after losing the baby and just plain pissed off after the back injury. Then one day, I decided that I had to appreciate my body again and that was a step toward my healing and my attitude change. I took this picture as a symbol to me that I am beautiful and my body is beautiful even after all it went through. Praise God for new beginnings!!